The Perfect Halloween Night.

This Halloween i choose not to dress up as the zombie, the maid or the casual 'cut two holes in a white sheet kinda lazy ghost' and decided to keep it comfortable. Yup. The last thing i needed on the freaky friday was to dress up with full make up and sweat the night away dancing in an overcrowded club where i would possibly get butt screwed while nobody was looking - yes, i am talking about attica.
I have had so much fun hanging out and having weird conversations with people on halloween nights at Clarke Quay in the past years.  Once I met someone who dressed as an ATM machine  (an expat obviously). It was nice to see him attracting so many women who would put their hands into the slot and he would give them a chocolate in exchange. I always wondered if he hooked up with anyone that night and spent any money on her cos then rightly he would have played the part of an ATM. All you women who are getting pissed off, that wasn't a woman degrading comment..it was a JOKE. I also went to Zouk once for halloween night and saw an indian man in swimming trunks and a float around his waist doing the breast stroke the whole night as part of something he might have thought was called 'dancing'. If he spent that much effort doing the breast stroke in the sea - he could have swam to Batam and back.  Halloween is one of those events where young Singaporeans and expats drop their guard, dress up and take pictures with one another . It feels like national day in its true sense. Probably more bonding than national day itself. The clarke quay bridge is one such place where many music buskers, university groups and drunk couples hang out and indulge in conversations with random strangers. This bridge is probably the friendliest place that exists in Singapore. So, what did i choose to do this halloween? Celebrate it my way by appreciating life.

Drinks and some gambling at Singapore Swimming Club, an hour of foot reflexology and back rub session ,sumptuous food at spice (bedok) with bollywood superstars Hrithik Roshan and Katrina Kaif dancing on the screens of the local eatery mocking our midnight diet. As i dug into my plate of Nasi Kampong chicken, hrithik roshan flaunted his abs and gave me a full meat-eating experience. Numerous conversations with my good friend Aditya made this one even more enjoyable. 

This, ladies and gentlemen, was my perfect halloween night. 

Warmest Regards,

Sharul Channa

Waking up early and other bullshit.

If you're just on the way to the office - this post will serve you well. I hate waking up early in the mornings - never liked it. Even when i had to wake up early for university in the morning, it felt like i slept for only 5 minutes. I would drag myself out of bed and make 10 trips back to the room cos i had forgotten to bring something to the shower…either my undies or my deodorant or some other redundant  product i had bought from  watsons as a motivation to feel good in the morning. Yes, did all of that.  The reality was i had forgotten the one thing i should have brought along with me when i woke up - my brains. My brains were still tucked into bed and snoring real loud. I am clearly not a morning person and hence i have never had a proper 9am to 7pm job. I really admire people who can do it. I really want to punch those people in the faces who wake up at 6 am to get ready to go to the gym. What's all that about? You pretentious pricks. Can you smell the jealousy? If i have ever woken up at 6am - its cos i was just extremely hungry. I stuff my face and go back to sleep. The best feeling in the world is to have a meal and sleep right away. The worst feeling in the world is when you get up feeling like a hippo stuck in mud. I have tried all the tricks in the book - bathing in cold freezing water, which is a terrible idea btw! Have you ever tried to take a cold shower bath in the morning? Its like you have to find a strategy to fully jump into the shower so you don't shrivel up like a testicle. You wet your tummy first - then the bottom - then the hands - then the face - then the legs and then you take a deep breathe and jump in. You come out of the shower really alert cos you've had a brain freeze. And then cos of our wonderful humid weather, you start sweating. I don't know how people dress up real good in the morning and don't melt on the floor by the time they reach office. I have seen some well dressed people in the mrt - gelled hair, tight skirts, smart suits and walking to work with a purpose. Yes, that's right! With a purpose! The only time i have had that purposeful walk is when i am walking towards an outlet where a sale is about to start or when i want to overtake to let the hot guy walking ahead of me know that i exist too..completely ignoring him of course. I think all office-goers should go to work in their most comfortable clothing..i mean if you're not comfortable, how do you work? I also think all office- goers should be allowed to leave office once they think they have reached their peak performance for the day. That way we won't have peak hour traffic cos everyone reaches their peak at different times. Geddit? Geddit? Shut up.

Don't get me wrong - i have done some real odd jobs while i was growing up. I started at the age of 14. Every holiday, i would take up a part-time job to earn some shopping money and attaining some skills. I have worked as a tele marketeer, a jewelry maker at a kiosk in an upmarket shopping center, product promoter at the petrol station, an extra for a channel 5 program and then finally a speech and drama for the longest time.

Learning from experience, there was one thing i knew from a very young age. I wasn't going to work hard for someone else's dream - i was going to work for myself. I did go for a couple of interviews at multi-national companies when i was confused about my career but the interview questions confirmed why i wasn't going to go for those jobs.

1. What is your expected salary?

My answer : How much do you expect me to work. It really depends.

2.  Why should we choose you?

My answer : Cos god came in my dreams and said that if your interviewer doesn't choose you, his balls will fall off past midnight.

3. What are your strengths and weaknesses?

My answer : From where i stand, my strength is in making you believe that i am good enough so you will hire me and my weakness is the free stuff in your office pantry.

What kind of stupid questions are these?  I have the qualification - you have the job…don't make us lie to you. Come on! Why do you want us to sugar coat it for you? Those circle 1 to 5 questions are the worst cos they remind me of "multiple-question answer options in schools".

Example : How would you rate your leadership skills? 1 - being the worst and 5 - being the best

This is how they judge you depending on what you circled.

1- You are Under confident
2. - You're unsure about what you want in life
3. - You went to a local university and want to be safe…good job. You will follow our system.
4. You're a bit too confident.
5. Hitler

Bullshit.

For all you office-goers, i hope you woke up on time and please have a great time. I am going back to bed. I really respect what you guys do though - i could never do it.

Anyway, i cut my hair yesterday. Just so you know!

One more day to friday - you can do it!

Love and Laughter,

Sharul Channa

Is He Into You? by Sharul Channa

I am 100 percent Singaporean Indian and I can tell you that I have had no man come up to me and say that he would like to go out on a date with me. I just had to read into the signs and listen to my friends who would occasionally nudge me when the token Indian guy in secondary school would walk past. They would nudge me because he was the ONLY Indian guy in the entire class. Now tell me something, if there was only one mango in the fruit basket but it was rotting from the bottom half, would you gladly eat that mango. I know some would argue that they would slice off the rotting half and still have that mango but I was not going to go through all that trouble. Not for Subramanium Marimoorthi. Very earlier on in life had I realized that living in Singapore, I was not going to get laid very often and if I did get laid it would be for a waxing appointment at a beauty parlor in Serangoon Rd. I was outspoken, brash and laughed without covering my mouth and as you would know, that’s not the typical Singaporean schoolgirl behavior. I didn’t have my school shirt tucked into my skirt till my breasts popped out and my priorities didn’t lie in having longer eyelashes. What I did start doing then was helping other friends in their relationship problems and helping them decode the famous question, “ What do you think he is thinking?”

Yup – that nagging question in everyone’s mind would be, “If you had never been in a relationship, how can you advice anyone? I would just like to mention that the man who invented the famous Atkins Diet had passed away due to weight issues himself. Correct. You don’t have to follow the same rules you create but can become an expert by merely observing. I had lusted over men so much that I had started thinking like them. So without further delay let me begin answering the question that all you desperate women who have to resort to this article to find out that answer have been waiting for. “How do you find out if a man likes you?”  Now firstly, I just want you to ask yourself a quick question – has he messaged in the past 24 hours of you reading this article? Now unless you and your “friend” have had a fallout – he should have messaged. If a man likes you, he will let you know that he does. It’s that simple. The radar in his pants will direct him towards you and he will make every move in his book to get you to connect with his wifi. But how can you be sure that he is really into you and not just wanting to get into you? That’s the difficult question. Look out for these signs.

A man who is really into you he will never rush to get into a relationship with you but will still let it be known that he is interested.  He will ask you out for drinks but will not try to get into your pants immediately. He will keep an open communication but will keep in touch so you don’t forget him. He will try to find out what you like and what you don’t and he will tease you very often to get a reaction out of you. He will listen to every thing you have to say very attentively and prove to you that he remembers each thing you say by bringing it up in a conversation – “Let’s not go to town today, I know you don’t like crowded places.”  Now if all of you women are done reading the above information and thinking about the man that has been keeping you in all that suspense – slap yourself out of it and get those wet undies out of the way to read  about the men you need to avoid. There are enough douchebags in this world who have a strategy to poke you and add you to the list of  “hot women we rejected after screwing them” that they look at every morning before they leave the house. It’s their version of a manicure, pedicure topped with a full body massage. These men are like the ‘red rubber band’ from the chicken rice packets. You only use them once and they are not for personal use. If you tie your hair with one of these rubber bands – you are bound to hurt when you untie your hair losing at least 5 strands. So who are these men you avoid? You need to avoid a man who purposely messages you and then says he did it by accident. He is playing you and he doesn’t have the guts to admit that he is into you. Cross out.

Avoid a man who name drops and lets it be known that he has had a relationship or has slept with hot girls in the past month just to show off to you and make you feel like you need to be good enough.  Cross out. If this man makes plans with you and you had to cancel, he will most definitely mention his alternative plan that sounds much better than going out with you. Cross out. Also, a man whom your best friend doesn’t like is most likely a man you want to avoid. Why? Cos if he can make the time and effort to impress your best friend he wants to stay on.

Always remember, the bad boys who try to lead women on start balding at 30 and their package is so used that it almost looks like an over boiled vegetable in a bowl of noodle soup. No nutritional value. Now if you will excuse me, its time for me to go spend some quality time with the only man I have dated for the past 9 years and am married to now. Yeah bitches – be jealous. Don’t bother, he is #Sindhi. Till the next time - Over and out.

Being a Woman - A Strength or a Weakness?

Photography by : Prakash Daniel 

Many times. Several times. Enough times for me to write about it have i been asked this question
Is it a weakness or a strength to be a woman on stage? A young girl sat across me with curious eyes and dreams so fresh that i could smell them off her long beautiful dyed hair and fair soft skin like butter milk. She grabbed her paper and pen - thanking me for coming down to oblige her for an interview for her university's class project.

Topic : As a female/woman comedian - how is Sharul Channa coping in the market since it is a male dominated industry.

Just this once i prayed under my breathe hoping she will interest me in talking about  other topics to do with comedy or she will ask me the same question in a way  that i won't even realize she is asking me this question i have been asked a thousand times.

She managed to succeed in asking me more than she intended to and i answered more than i had intended on answering. At some point, the conversation boiled down to - so is it a strength being a woman or a weakness?

I found myself just hesitating to properly answer the question. Somehow i couldn't find the words to put it in a sentence - maybe i needed a paragraph. I believe sometimes while talking to others, you manage to find a nugget of knowledge which you didn't otherwise think you have or could come up with. It's like you connect with the divine or some sort of energy to say something so profound that you shock yourself - did I really say this? I ? Who am i to know this? How did this simply drop into my psyche, my soul, my brain?

Many a times women start to believe that its strong to be a weak woman and its weak to be a strong woman. Meaning?

If you come across  as a strong woman- you know the sort…yapping about everything and talking about woman rights and what she really thinks  and making bold statements because she truly believes what she is saying. Society tends to think that she is too strong and women should not be like that because we're not supposed to have such strong opinions. God forbid if you have a husband who speaks less or have a good friend who keeps quiet - Suddenly, they start looking smarter compared to you and people go , " Oh, your friend is very sweet and classy!" and all they have to say about you is…"You potty mouth!"

These judgements are many a times made by women themselves - for other women. Some sort of jealously to see a liberated woman because they themselves could never speak so freely. It happens.

So what was my answer? Strength to be a woman or a weakness?

Many women have made their gender their own weakness. I have heard many say - "but how will i do it?" ," but i need some help? " , "but i am alone?, " but what will they say? " , "but i don't know?" ,
"should i say something? " , "things will sort themselves out." , " I need to discuss this with my husband."

Funnily enough, i have heard these same women say things about other women who dress well and run businesses and go for late night parties - " Ah, she is such a slut!" , "Just look at the way she is dressed!" , " She doesn't really take care of her kids!" .


I think the day women start thinking that they are good enough and self-sufficient to achieve what they need to - their relationships will improve and so will their self-worth. We make it difficult for ourselves by heavy negative self-talk and  we disgrace other women at the same time. We need to empower each other and face society with confidence,power and continue to work hard. Believe in yourself and everyone else will. You could be a man and take this same advice. You need no one's support but your own. Go out and do something. One thing everyday to prove to yourself that you are self-sufficient. Its perfectly alright to love yourself and let it be known. Yes, at the same time - don't be mean to others and please keep your kindness intact.

How do i find my confidence again? - some might ask.
Book a flight for one and travel alone to any destination. Get lost and find yourself. It is the most beautiful feeling in the world.

It's a strength to be a woman and weaknesses can be manipulated to become another strength.

Go find a paper and make a list of things to do and call it
If i wasn't afraid of anything - i would :
And then do those things.

I will write my list below and you could share yours with me too.

If i wasn't afraid of anything - i would :

1. Smile more often
2.  Call up some people and tell them that i truly love them
3. Go hiking
4. Take a trip somewhere to just write more jokes
5. Book a theatre and do my one hour show
6. Cut my hair - Pixie style
7. Start my own youtube channel
8.  Do a corporate show without feeling extremely nervous of saying the wrong things
9. Wear sleeveless cos i have always been shy of my arms
10. Tell my dad that he needs to watch one of my stand-up shows without me bursting into tears because it will be emotional for me

Yeah.

The interview went well btw and it was great talking to Dora - hope she finds her strength in being a woman and fulfills her dreams. :)

Btw, if you think i am too strong a woman for you to handle - you have a weakness you need to work on. ;)


Love and laughter,

Sharul Channa

#Countingblessings

Featured by Anokhi Media

Featured by Straits Times - several times this year! 

Entertained a large group of audiences so far this year! Here is a small picture ;)

Hosted many shows too!

                         Started Gypsy Comedy Singapore In Association with Moshi Moshi Bollywood

                     Performed for Superkam 2 twice this year and sold out shows with great feedback !

Performed in Delhi, Mumbai Twice this year!

Hosted/ Performed for 4 shows - Singapore Comedy Fringe 2014 !

Toured with 'Comedy on heels' - We performed in KL, Sabah and Mumbai !

More shows! 

Performed in Bangalore and Singapore as an ensemble cast of
Gangamitrdhaara! ( Samarpana festival 2014)

Another night by Gypsy Comedy Singapore !

Performed with Kumar as part of 'Kumar and the Gypsies' at Star Performing Centre

Again, an all woman show as part of the Singapore fringe festival !

Loved performing on the stage of Home Club as part of Comedy Masala.
Home club became canvas this year but i still miss the stage and the memories it brought.
I started doing comedy on this very stage - 3 and half years ago.

Had the privilege of getting my close friend Vernon Lewis to perform at Moshi Moshi.
He is no more but he lives in our hearts forever and ever.

Hosted this show featuring Ali Zafar