Tuesday, 4 November 2014

Canvas Laugh Club, Mumbai - Please Pay Up!


Attention: Stand Up Comedians all around the world

 Serious matter guys. Here’s the set up.

I am a comedian based in Singapore and I write this post with grave concern and as a warning to all with regards to a negative experience with a specific comedy club in the city of Mumbai.

In the month of April 2014, I was hired, along with two other comedians from Hong Kong and The Netherlands, as part of an all-female comedy troupe, to perform at this club. ‘Hired’ might be the incorrect term, as you will learn later in the post.

They booked our flights. (Visa fees were paid by the performers, with a promise of it being reimbursed.)

Fees for the performances were agreed to be confirmed after the show, based on door sales. Upon completion of the show, an invoice was sent to me with the amount due. 

It’s been 6 months since the performance ended, and despite several emails, attempts at phone calls and requests to sort out the payment, nothing has been done. The employee who was dealing with me has also left the job and now there is no correspondence from the club.

Wait, that’s incorrect of me to say. There was one email from someone saying:

“We will look into it.”

They must be looking in the Bermuda Triangle, for they seem lost.

I thought I was alone, but apparently, several other comedians have performed at this club and have not been paid.

My aim of sharing this letter with the comedy community is to let you all know that this club, claiming to be the ‘only full time comedy club in Mumbai’, has allegedly done this with several comedians and we were just their latest victims.

As the one dealing with the club, my international colleagues asked me, “What’s going on with the payment from 6 months ago?”

I just shrug my shoulders, and have no answer.

It’s upsetting because they had heard stories of unprofessionalism, conning and cheating that happens in India, and this was raised as a concern as to whether we should do the show or not. I assured them that we are dealing with a professional team and India has progressed leaps and bounds in terms of professional working ethics, but, alas, I have been proven wrong.

My advice to any comedian who is being offered a show at this full time comedy club : do the gigs, only if you are treating it as an open mic show. DO NOT EXPECT TO GET PAID, regardless of what you are told or promised. If you are making the trip down to the city and the club, insist on cash payment BEFORE you go on stage. Otherwise, refuse to do the show.

Alternatively, avoid the club completely. There are many comedians in Mumbai who have the integrity, class and talent to put on a solid show, so if you like, I am happy to share those contacts with you.

The venue, staff and set up will make it tempting for you to do a show for nothing, because it’s a fab room with a great crew. So if you’re going in with that mindset, fair enough.  

However, if you are someone who wants comedy to flourish, and be a viable career option in your country, I propose you choose to work with someone who has a similar goal.

The audience in Mumbai is top notch and a joy to perform to, so don’t let your first show in the beautiful city with beautiful people be mired by an ugly experience.

To all comedians out there: you are a ‘stand up’ comedian, not a “get walked all over and exploited’ comedian.

Warmest Regards,

Sharul Channa
Singaporean Stand-up Comedian

Monday, 3 November 2014

Stop Nagging Your Spouse



Are you constantly nagging your spouse? Do you hear yourself telling your partner off all the time? For one, please know that your partner is not a child or a dog. He/she doesn't need to be stopped from what he/she wants to do - all the time!  - unless of course they pooping on the carpet or smelling another bitch's ass. Then you got to intervene and get a trainer. 

Do you have the 'Ignore Syndrome' where you are closely watching your partner at a party -  from a distance and acting like its all cool until you reach home and that's when you are going to unleash the claws and give your partner a lesson on what he/she should be avoiding. 

Do know that nobody wants to be told that they are wrong. Everyone has an ego that might get hurt and everyone just wants to have a good time. Here is the disclaimer : Your partner has  his/her own baggage and it could have been possible that they dated an abusive/ alcoholic/pedophile/psycho before you but you are not responsible to cure that shit. If you can't take it - move on. Still, stop nagging - this is the number 2 reason for why many relationships  have ended. Number 1 being -  murder. 

So what are the things that we nag our partners about? The following are the compilation of top 3 things we nag our partners about.



1.    ALCOHOL

Stop drinking! This is your last drink! 

Unless your partner is an alcoholic, please stop nagging your partner about having drinks. Unless of course, he/she makes an ass of himself/herself after a few drinks and it happens more than twice. Till then, please…let them be. You don't know how stress affects people and sometimes they just wanna kick their legs up and have a couple of drinks. Weird imagery but you get the point.



2.  YOU DON'T HAVE TIME FOR ME

 If you can't enjoy a meal with your partner cos they are always traveling or busy - you both got to find time to be with each other. Nagging about it - not going to help. (Neither finding another bf/gf is )
 You got to ask yourself a question - are you not occupied enough with interesting activities or work ? You got to learn how to be comfortable with yourself being alone if you truly want to have a good time with your partner. Sometimes we push all of our loneliness to our partners and expect them to entertain us. If you need more of your partner's time - just ask. If he/she is being difficult and is completely avoiding you…strangely - it could be 3 reasons :

You Stink.
He/She is very stressed with work
He/She is planning a surprise for you

Most probably, the 2nd one!

Spend quality time with yourself too.


3.   YOU DON'T LOVE ME ANYMORE.

A relationship requires work. Hard work. Don't be complacent in the relationship and don't expect your partner to know everything that you may want. If you want something - ask your partner. Don't just say - you don't love me anymore. Fight it out if you have to but don't nag about it all the time. Your partner will start believing that maybe the love is gone. 

If you want something ask - OYE! CAN WE GO FOR DINNER PLEASE? I MISS YOU!

Sometimes saying : " I miss you." can be so difficult to say. People are usually scared of rejection and don't want to sound needy.
Just say it. OYE ASSHOLE, I MISS YOU! Say it.  

Look at this list and the actual meaning behind the statements your partner might be making. 

Why didn't you call? :  Meaning : I miss you
Why don't you bring me out for dinner anymore? : Meaning : I miss you
How do i look today? : Meaning : I miss you
Why don't you spend time with me anymore?: Meaning : I miss you
Why did you shake hands with that guy/girl just now? : Meaning : I am psycho so break up with me



Nagging and being nagged at can drain you of your energy . You rather spend that time wisely saying things like : I love you. 

;)


Warmest Regards,

Sharul Channa
Nagging Partner of Rishi Budhrani


Friday, 31 October 2014

The Perfect Halloween Night.


This Halloween i choose not to dress up as the zombie, the maid or the casual 'cut two holes in a white sheet kinda lazy ghost' and decided to keep it comfortable. Yup. The last thing i needed on the freaky friday was to dress up with full make up and sweat the night away dancing in an overcrowded club where i would possibly get butt screwed while nobody was looking - yes, i am talking about attica.
I have had so much fun hanging out and having weird conversations with people on halloween nights at Clarke Quay in the past years.  Once I met someone who dressed as an ATM machine  (an expat obviously). It was nice to see him attracting so many women who would put their hands into the slot and he would give them a chocolate in exchange. I always wondered if he hooked up with anyone that night and spent any money on her cos then rightly he would have played the part of an ATM. All you women who are getting pissed off, that wasn't a woman degrading comment..it was a JOKE. I also went to Zouk once for halloween night and saw an indian man in swimming trunks and a float around his waist doing the breast stroke the whole night as part of something he might have thought was called 'dancing'. If he spent that much effort doing the breast stroke in the sea - he could have swam to Batam and back.  Halloween is one of those events where young Singaporeans and expats drop their guard, dress up and take pictures with one another . It feels like national day in its true sense. Probably more bonding than national day itself. The clarke quay bridge is one such place where many music buskers, university groups and drunk couples hang out and indulge in conversations with random strangers. This bridge is probably the friendliest place that exists in Singapore. So, what did i choose to do this halloween? Celebrate it my way by appreciating life.







Drinks and some gambling at Singapore Swimming Club, an hour of foot reflexology and back rub session ,sumptuous food at spice (bedok) with bollywood superstars Hrithik Roshan and Katrina Kaif dancing on the screens of the local eatery mocking our midnight diet. As i dug into my plate of Nasi Kampong chicken, hrithik roshan flaunted his abs and gave me a full meat-eating experience. Numerous conversations with my good friend Aditya made this one even more enjoyable. 

This, ladies and gentlemen, was my perfect halloween night. 


Warmest Regards,

Sharul Channa

Wednesday, 29 October 2014

Waking up early and other bullshit.


If you're just on the way to the office - this post will serve you well. I hate waking up early in the mornings - never liked it. Even when i had to wake up early for university in the morning, it felt like i slept for only 5 minutes. I would drag myself out of bed and make 10 trips back to the room cos i had forgotten to bring something to the shower…either my undies or my deodorant or some other redundant  product i had bought from  watsons as a motivation to feel good in the morning. Yes, did all of that.  The reality was i had forgotten the one thing i should have brought along with me when i woke up - my brains. My brains were still tucked into bed and snoring real loud. I am clearly not a morning person and hence i have never had a proper 9am to 7pm job. I really admire people who can do it. I really want to punch those people in the faces who wake up at 6 am to get ready to go to the gym. What's all that about? You pretentious pricks. Can you smell the jealousy? If i have ever woken up at 6am - its cos i was just extremely hungry. I stuff my face and go back to sleep. The best feeling in the world is to have a meal and sleep right away. The worst feeling in the world is when you get up feeling like a hippo stuck in mud. I have tried all the tricks in the book - bathing in cold freezing water, which is a terrible idea btw! Have you ever tried to take a cold shower bath in the morning? Its like you have to find a strategy to fully jump into the shower so you don't shrivel up like a testicle. You wet your tummy first - then the bottom - then the hands - then the face - then the legs and then you take a deep breathe and jump in. You come out of the shower really alert cos you've had a brain freeze. And then cos of our wonderful humid weather, you start sweating. I don't know how people dress up real good in the morning and don't melt on the floor by the time they reach office. I have seen some well dressed people in the mrt - gelled hair, tight skirts, smart suits and walking to work with a purpose. Yes, that's right! With a purpose! The only time i have had that purposeful walk is when i am walking towards an outlet where a sale is about to start or when i want to overtake to let the hot guy walking ahead of me know that i exist too..completely ignoring him of course. I think all office-goers should go to work in their most comfortable clothing..i mean if you're not comfortable, how do you work? I also think all office- goers should be allowed to leave office once they think they have reached their peak performance for the day. That way we won't have peak hour traffic cos everyone reaches their peak at different times. Geddit? Geddit? Shut up.

Don't get me wrong - i have done some real odd jobs while i was growing up. I started at the age of 14. Every holiday, i would take up a part-time job to earn some shopping money and attaining some skills. I have worked as a tele marketeer, a jewelry maker at a kiosk in an upmarket shopping center, product promoter at the petrol station, an extra for a channel 5 program and then finally a speech and drama for the longest time.

Learning from experience, there was one thing i knew from a very young age. I wasn't going to work hard for someone else's dream - i was going to work for myself. I did go for a couple of interviews at multi-national companies when i was confused about my career but the interview questions confirmed why i wasn't going to go for those jobs.

1. What is your expected salary?

My answer : How much do you expect me to work. It really depends.

2.  Why should we choose you?

My answer : Cos god came in my dreams and said that if your interviewer doesn't choose you, his balls will fall off past midnight.

3. What are your strengths and weaknesses?

My answer : From where i stand, my strength is in making you believe that i am good enough so you will hire me and my weakness is the free stuff in your office pantry.

What kind of stupid questions are these?  I have the qualification - you have the job…don't make us lie to you. Come on! Why do you want us to sugar coat it for you? Those circle 1 to 5 questions are the worst cos they remind me of "multiple-question answer options in schools".

Example : How would you rate your leadership skills? 1 - being the worst and 5 - being the best

This is how they judge you depending on what you circled.

1- You are Under confident
2. - You're unsure about what you want in life
3. - You went to a local university and want to be safe…good job. You will follow our system.
4. You're a bit too confident.
5. Hitler

Bullshit.

For all you office-goers, i hope you woke up on time and please have a great time. I am going back to bed. I really respect what you guys do though - i could never do it.

Anyway, i cut my hair yesterday. Just so you know!




One more day to friday - you can do it!

Love and Laughter,

Sharul Channa

Monday, 27 October 2014

Is He Into You? by Sharul Channa



I am 100 percent Singaporean Indian and I can tell you that I have had no man come up to me and say that he would like to go out on a date with me. I just had to read into the signs and listen to my friends who would occasionally nudge me when the token Indian guy in secondary school would walk past. They would nudge me because he was the ONLY Indian guy in the entire class. Now tell me something, if there was only one mango in the fruit basket but it was rotting from the bottom half, would you gladly eat that mango. I know some would argue that they would slice off the rotting half and still have that mango but I was not going to go through all that trouble. Not for Subramanium Marimoorthi. Very earlier on in life had I realized that living in Singapore, I was not going to get laid very often and if I did get laid it would be for a waxing appointment at a beauty parlor in Serangoon Rd. I was outspoken, brash and laughed without covering my mouth and as you would know, that’s not the typical Singaporean schoolgirl behavior. I didn’t have my school shirt tucked into my skirt till my breasts popped out and my priorities didn’t lie in having longer eyelashes. What I did start doing then was helping other friends in their relationship problems and helping them decode the famous question, “ What do you think he is thinking?”
Yup – that nagging question in everyone’s mind would be, “If you had never been in a relationship, how can you advice anyone? I would just like to mention that the man who invented the famous Atkins Diet had passed away due to weight issues himself. Correct. You don’t have to follow the same rules you create but can become an expert by merely observing. I had lusted over men so much that I had started thinking like them. So without further delay let me begin answering the question that all you desperate women who have to resort to this article to find out that answer have been waiting for. “How do you find out if a man likes you?”  Now firstly, I just want you to ask yourself a quick question – has he messaged in the past 24 hours of you reading this article? Now unless you and your “friend” have had a fallout – he should have messaged. If a man likes you, he will let you know that he does. It’s that simple. The radar in his pants will direct him towards you and he will make every move in his book to get you to connect with his wifi. But how can you be sure that he is really into you and not just wanting to get into you? That’s the difficult question. Look out for these signs.
A man who is really into you he will never rush to get into a relationship with you but will still let it be known that he is interested.  He will ask you out for drinks but will not try to get into your pants immediately. He will keep an open communication but will keep in touch so you don’t forget him. He will try to find out what you like and what you don’t and he will tease you very often to get a reaction out of you. He will listen to every thing you have to say very attentively and prove to you that he remembers each thing you say by bringing it up in a conversation – “Let’s not go to town today, I know you don’t like crowded places.”  Now if all of you women are done reading the above information and thinking about the man that has been keeping you in all that suspense – slap yourself out of it and get those wet undies out of the way to read  about the men you need to avoid. There are enough douchebags in this world who have a strategy to poke you and add you to the list of  “hot women we rejected after screwing them” that they look at every morning before they leave the house. It’s their version of a manicure, pedicure topped with a full body massage. These men are like the ‘red rubber band’ from the chicken rice packets. You only use them once and they are not for personal use. If you tie your hair with one of these rubber bands – you are bound to hurt when you untie your hair losing at least 5 strands. So who are these men you avoid? You need to avoid a man who purposely messages you and then says he did it by accident. He is playing you and he doesn’t have the guts to admit that he is into you. Cross out.
Avoid a man who name drops and lets it be known that he has had a relationship or has slept with hot girls in the past month just to show off to you and make you feel like you need to be good enough.  Cross out. If this man makes plans with you and you had to cancel, he will most definitely mention his alternative plan that sounds much better than going out with you. Cross out. Also, a man whom your best friend doesn’t like is most likely a man you want to avoid. Why? Cos if he can make the time and effort to impress your best friend he wants to stay on.

Always remember, the bad boys who try to lead women on start balding at 30 and their package is so used that it almost looks like an over boiled vegetable in a bowl of noodle soup. No nutritional value. Now if you will excuse me, its time for me to go spend some quality time with the only man I have dated for the past 9 years and am married to now. Yeah bitches – be jealous. Don’t bother, he is #Sindhi. Till the next time - Over and out.



Sunday, 26 October 2014

Being a Woman - A Strength or a Weakness?

Photography by : Prakash Daniel 

Many times. Several times. Enough times for me to write about it have i been asked this question
Is it a weakness or a strength to be a woman on stage? A young girl sat across me with curious eyes and dreams so fresh that i could smell them off her long beautiful dyed hair and fair soft skin like butter milk. She grabbed her paper and pen - thanking me for coming down to oblige her for an interview for her university's class project.

Topic : As a female/woman comedian - how is Sharul Channa coping in the market since it is a male dominated industry.

Just this once i prayed under my breathe hoping she will interest me in talking about  other topics to do with comedy or she will ask me the same question in a way  that i won't even realize she is asking me this question i have been asked a thousand times.

She managed to succeed in asking me more than she intended to and i answered more than i had intended on answering. At some point, the conversation boiled down to - so is it a strength being a woman or a weakness?

I found myself just hesitating to properly answer the question. Somehow i couldn't find the words to put it in a sentence - maybe i needed a paragraph. I believe sometimes while talking to others, you manage to find a nugget of knowledge which you didn't otherwise think you have or could come up with. It's like you connect with the divine or some sort of energy to say something so profound that you shock yourself - did I really say this? I ? Who am i to know this? How did this simply drop into my psyche, my soul, my brain?

Many a times women start to believe that its strong to be a weak woman and its weak to be a strong woman. Meaning?

If you come across  as a strong woman- you know the sort…yapping about everything and talking about woman rights and what she really thinks  and making bold statements because she truly believes what she is saying. Society tends to think that she is too strong and women should not be like that because we're not supposed to have such strong opinions. God forbid if you have a husband who speaks less or have a good friend who keeps quiet - Suddenly, they start looking smarter compared to you and people go , " Oh, your friend is very sweet and classy!" and all they have to say about you is…"You potty mouth!"

These judgements are many a times made by women themselves - for other women. Some sort of jealously to see a liberated woman because they themselves could never speak so freely. It happens.

So what was my answer? Strength to be a woman or a weakness?

Many women have made their gender their own weakness. I have heard many say - "but how will i do it?" ," but i need some help? " , "but i am alone?, " but what will they say? " , "but i don't know?" ,
"should i say something? " , "things will sort themselves out." , " I need to discuss this with my husband."

Funnily enough, i have heard these same women say things about other women who dress well and run businesses and go for late night parties - " Ah, she is such a slut!" , "Just look at the way she is dressed!" , " She doesn't really take care of her kids!" .


I think the day women start thinking that they are good enough and self-sufficient to achieve what they need to - their relationships will improve and so will their self-worth. We make it difficult for ourselves by heavy negative self-talk and  we disgrace other women at the same time. We need to empower each other and face society with confidence,power and continue to work hard. Believe in yourself and everyone else will. You could be a man and take this same advice. You need no one's support but your own. Go out and do something. One thing everyday to prove to yourself that you are self-sufficient. Its perfectly alright to love yourself and let it be known. Yes, at the same time - don't be mean to others and please keep your kindness intact.

How do i find my confidence again? - some might ask.
Book a flight for one and travel alone to any destination. Get lost and find yourself. It is the most beautiful feeling in the world.

It's a strength to be a woman and weaknesses can be manipulated to become another strength.

Go find a paper and make a list of things to do and call it
If i wasn't afraid of anything - i would :
And then do those things.

I will write my list below and you could share yours with me too.

If i wasn't afraid of anything - i would :

1. Smile more often
2.  Call up some people and tell them that i truly love them
3. Go hiking
4. Take a trip somewhere to just write more jokes
5. Book a theatre and do my one hour show
6. Cut my hair - Pixie style
7. Start my own youtube channel
8.  Do a corporate show without feeling extremely nervous of saying the wrong things
9. Wear sleeveless cos i have always been shy of my arms
10. Tell my dad that he needs to watch one of my stand-up shows without me bursting into tears because it will be emotional for me

Yeah.

The interview went well btw and it was great talking to Dora - hope she finds her strength in being a woman and fulfills her dreams. :)




Btw, if you think i am too strong a woman for you to handle - you have a weakness you need to work on. ;)


Love and laughter,

Sharul Channa


Thursday, 23 October 2014

#Countingblessings

Featured by Anokhi Media
Featured by Straits Times - several times this year! 

Entertained a large group of audiences so far this year! Here is a small picture ;)


Hosted many shows too!


                         Started Gypsy Comedy Singapore In Association with Moshi Moshi Bollywood





                     Performed for Superkam 2 twice this year and sold out shows with great feedback !




Performed in Delhi, Mumbai Twice this year!


Hosted/ Performed for 4 shows - Singapore Comedy Fringe 2014 !



Toured with 'Comedy on heels' - We performed in KL, Sabah and Mumbai !









More shows! 

Performed in Bangalore and Singapore as an ensemble cast of
Gangamitrdhaara! ( Samarpana festival 2014)
Another night by Gypsy Comedy Singapore !
Performed with Kumar as part of 'Kumar and the Gypsies' at Star Performing Centre


Again, an all woman show as part of the Singapore fringe festival !
Loved performing on the stage of Home Club as part of Comedy Masala.
Home club became canvas this year but i still miss the stage and the memories it brought.
I started doing comedy on this very stage - 3 and half years ago.

Had the privilege of getting my close friend Vernon Lewis to perform at Moshi Moshi.
He is no more but he lives in our hearts forever and ever.
Hosted this show featuring Ali Zafar








           

Monday, 15 September 2014

My Beautiful Indonesian Sister.


Dear All,

This post was long overdue and it won't be perfect because it cannot be perfect. It can't be said perfectly because words will never be enough. Never. What are words but sounds put together and have a value of less than 1 cent sometimes. Feelings and emotions pump these words up. When the feelings are real of course. The truth. The truth hits the gut harder than anything else in the world. The truth can be told in less than 50 words and sometimes silence is enough. The women of Indonesia - our beautiful helpers who come down to countries like Singapore to work. Our maids. Our sisters. Recently, i was talking to one of the Indonesian helpers under my condominium. How do we view these women? Just take a moment to check your conscience. You see a helper under the block on the phone taking a walk and immediately many people will think of that as - she must be talking to her boyfriend. Her bangladeshi boyfriend to be precise. Sometimes that's not true and even if it is - what is wrong with that. These women of Indonesia are more liberated and independent than any other women i have met in my life.
I hear clients talk about their maids and sometimes in the most degrading manner. I heard recently - " my maid is lazy and likes to take 2 hour naps in the afternoon." In our busy social media indulgent life, we forget that these people are respectable human beings like us too. They have wishes, hopes and a love life. Yes, their quality of life is different to ours but why can't we give them the mutual respect that they deserve. 2 hour naps are important for these ladies because they wake up early and do your dirty job for you. Yes, they get paid for it. How much? $400 to $800 a month. What happens to a bulk of this money have you ever asked yourself. I will tell you what happens to one such helper i spoke to.

For anonymity purpose, i will call her D.

D came down to Singapore 4 years back. She came here because her husband wasn't earning enough money back home and she had to do something to educate her children. She moved to Singapore and started to work hard. Each month she transferred $400 of her pay to her children so that they could go to school, pay for bike loan, pay for house rental etc. She was left with $50 and sometimes $100 per month for herself. After 2 years of working in Singapore, she got a call from her brother saying her husband had re-married. This news broke her into pieces but she didn't let herself fall apart. She gathered herself and rebuilt herself with hope and courage. Every month, she sends a bulk of her pay to her children and for the past 4 years..this is routine. She has no savings. Her life revolves around the house and watching indian serials in the afternoon because that's what "mam" likes to watch. So when people turn around and say that these women are lazy, let me tell you - they are more liberated than those gucci and prada carrying women who do nothing but attend social parties and art events. Life is so much more than these. If you want to learn what work- life balance is - ask these ladies. These strong women who stay in Singapore. Each of them with their own story. Each one with their own goals and each one with their own money- transfer account. They are away from family and working hard to feed them back home. How many times do you sit them down and ask them - " How do you feel my friend, away from family and working in a house and taking alone time can be seen as being lazy? How do you feel my friend?" Bring them for a movie, let them sit on the table to eat with you and let them take walks in the evening. Many of us work 9 to 7pm but when we take a break - we know its a break. These women are on call 24hrs. Waking up at 7 am, making breakfast for kids, getting them ready, sending them to school, cooking lunch dinner, cleaning up and doing all those things that you won't do.

Now, not all women have the same fate, destiny or stories but there are bad apples in every basket.
Respect these women and love them for they deserve it as much as all your daughters do. They need love than most of us. They have real problems. They are tough women. They blur the lines between the roles of a man and women and challenge the norm. These women are the real heroes.

Thank you so much.

I write this post because it is my helper's birthday today. Happy Birthday Darling Yati.
Thank you cooking for me, for loving me as a child and for listening to all my crazy stories in the middle of the night. Thank you for being a sister and thank you for being patient when i  throw a tantrum. I really appreciate you. Happy birthday love. God bless you. xo

Love,

Sharul

Thursday, 21 August 2014

Top 10 Weirdest Songs of Bollywood


Hey Peeps,

Hope you're well! In the past week, i have been reminiscing listening to Bollywood's 90s music and i must say that we sure have some of the weirdest songs. I listen to them years later and go - What? Really!? So here is a list of songs that i think are the weirdest or at least just don't make sense to me.


Song : Kash Koi Ladka mujhe pyaar karta ( Hum Hain Rahi Pyaar Ke - 1993)

1. This song is for the desperate people whose love life suck so much they have to sing this song.
    I mean really? - "Kash koi ladka mujhe pyaar karta!" This is a song no one should be singing aloud because what the subtext behind this song is - i just want to get laid and anyone will do! ANYONE.





2.   Ole Ole - Yeh Dillagi

"Jab bhi koi ladki dekhon - mera dil deewana bole, OLE OLE OLE OLE!"

If any man says the words - Ole Ole Ole Ole when he sees a woman
A) he is a freak
B) he is a freak
C) he is a pervert and he probably should sing song No. 1 on this list cos no one will date him

if a man says the words OLE OLE OLE to me - i will kick him in the nuts - i will. Even if its saif ali khan. I will.




3.  Main Laila Laila Chilaunga - Anari No.1

This is another desperate plea for attention. I mean "Main Laila Laila chilaunga kurta phad ke?"
which literally means i will tear my clothes and call out for you. I think this song is really focusing on the fact that both the actor and actresses are wearing cheap quality fabric and its really easy to tear their clothes off. And again here - this is a plea for sex. This song is basically for people who would like to go back to prehistoric times when people hung around naked. 





4.  Barana De Barana De - Insaaf 

This song really is about a man asking some money back from a woman cos he had leant it to her and she apparently didn't return it. I think whoever wrote this song for this situation should pay everyone who ever listened to this song. I think i rather a man OLE OLE me if he wants some money rather than singing the amount out so loudly.




5.  Boi Boi - Laadla 

This song is basically about a man dancing happily cos he just found out that his wife is pregnant and honestly if he my husband sang this song to me - BOI BOI , i would bitchslap him with my stomach. I mean what is BOI BOI! WHAT THE FUCK IS BOI! 
I think he is just happy to know that his package worked and he could impregnate a woman successfully instead of having to say goodbye to them in a bulk of tissues.



6.  Teri Pyaari Pyaar Baatein - Jamai Raja

This song is  for anyone with sinusitis and also in love. Rare combination but its possible. 
So these people in love - having the sniffles are screwing everyone else's happiness by sneezing in their faces. Screw the manners - we will make love in the open today and you know what 
CUM is a thing of the past - the "in" thing involved in love making today is - phlegm!





7.  Main Teri Mohabbat Mei - Tridev

This song basically has the actor asking the actress "Main teri mohabbat main pagal ho jaonga, mujhe aisa lagta hai - tujhe kaisa lagta hai?" She is already dancing around in a park with you! Really? Is it necessary to ask so many questions? Just tell her you love her and cut the crap. And if you really go mad cos you love her so much then she will leave you in an asylum - THAT'S WHAT I THINK.
Mujhe aisa lagta hai..hai..hai..hai.

 


8.  Ding Dong O Baby Sing a Song - Hero

This song's lyrics are - Ding Dong Oh Baby Sing a Song
Just want to tell everyone that Ding dong also means the penal area of a man's genitalia.
Now now, listen to the song and wonder why he keeps talking about the ding dong and wanting her to sing a song.  I don't know. Maybe he wants her to use his ding dong to sing the song? The appropriate instrument will be a mic.




9.   Kisi Din Banoongi - Raja

This song has the actor asking the actress to repeat everything she has been screaming out to him and vice versa. When has anyone liked repetition in love? I mean really? Imagine me telling my partner to do some household chore and if he turns around to say , " Zara phirse kehna!" I will bitchslap him with my BOI BOI.  Here is love between two individuals suffering from hearing loss. 



Alright guys - my top 10 list of Bollywood's weirdest songs!
What?
I missed out number 10?
"ZARA PHIRSE KEHNA!!!!!!!"


Here we go :

No. 10

Yeh Dua Hai Meri Rab Se - Sapne Saajan Ke

So the lyrics of this song really suggest that the actress in this scene is a slut and the hero just hopes that she likes his love making the best and she knows he has many friends and hopes that he likes her friendship the best.
If you  did the math exercise in school  
> Greater or less than. Something like that.
So basically- this a very hopeful song. They are just hoping things work out cos they may not and i think the song writer translated it so well in words. I think every relationship should be like this song. 



So yeh dua hai meri rab se, tujhe articles main sab se - yeh article pasand aaye……

No really. 
I mean it.

That's it for now guys! Hope you enjoyed my TOP 10 Weirdest Songs of Bollywood List!


AAaaaachooooooooo,

Sharul Channa



Tuesday, 12 August 2014

Interview with Philippines's GB Labrador - My favorite comedian from Asia

Hey folks,

Enjoy this short interview with my favorite stand-up comedian in Asia!

                                 
                   GB LABRADOR (PHI)
                 STAND-UP COMEDIAN









1.  What are the audiences in Manila like?

Answer : They are very universal and well-versed in English. They are extremely Western and you can talk about Hollywood movies and the pop culture and they would know the references. They are very family-oriented and even though majority are Roman Catholic, they are open to any topics. They are very open-minded about the content you have to offer. As long as you mean for it to be a joke and it's not in bad taste. Basically, know how to have a good laugh.


2.  We understand you head the new comedy production house called 'Comedy Manila'. In fact, some call it a revolution. At what stage is this revolution and what are the exciting things we will get to notice in the near future?

Answer : We are at the stage of building our comedy audiences and are hitting colleges and universities  You can look out for new headliners and new upcoming comedians like Red Ollero, Victor Anastascio and James Caraan.


3.  What is a fun bit about Manila that you have?

I always poke fun of the president and how we are a third world country but we focus more on saving dolphins than starving people.

4. What would be your advice to up and coming stand-up comedians?
   Do it for the love of telling jokes. Nothing else. Everything else will follow.

5. How do we contact you for gigs, or if any of the comedians from around Asia want to do some spots in Manila?

Just message Comedy Manila on Facebook/twitter and if you want me to do a gig - just contact my sister Sharul Channa- the woman of steel!


Hope you enjoyed this one. ;)

Love and Laughter,

Sharul Channa


Friday, 8 August 2014

The Past Midnight Story.


She had been looking at him from a distance. Occasionally, glancing at him and then completely ignoring his presence. He noticed nothing because he was not even noticing her. This moment for her was what she waited for the entire week - Her weekly language school lessons. He wasn't in her class but there was a 70 percent chance for her to somehow find him around the school to just have a glance that would give her excitement, fantasy and some replay action in her head for the next week. She saw him taking the stairs down from the 4th floor but from the other side, so she took the fire exit staircase and ran down so she could catch him at the gate of the school before he made his way to recess. She made it  in time to exit the gate right after him and trying not to get too close just in case her heart skipped more than a beat. She walked into the canteen area right after him and waited for him to choose the food or drink he wanted to have. He choose the good old milo from the drinks stall and continued having his conversation with an acquaintance. As he left the shop, she went up and got milo for herself too. Carefully watching him, she strategically placed herself such that  he was diagonally opposite her. She lip read his conversation from a distance and then got lost in thought about the million possibilities they could become friends. What happened next took her by surprise. He started walking right towards her and then stood right in front of her,staring into her eyes - she was stumped.Speechless.Heart racing. Mouth dry. He said, "You're standing in front of the dustbin." She heard nothing. He said it louder this time. She moved. He threw his milo packet, looked at her and smiled and then walked away. She had found her moment. Enough to last her for a week, possibly a month.

Till the next -past midnight story…

Friday, 1 August 2014

The Great Indian Emotional Blackmail.


How do you know you're being emotionally blackmailed?
Very simple. Do you hear the following statements too much around the house?

1. But he is such a poor thing. Oh,my son.
2. I am just an old hag..i will cry and eventually die.
3. Never mind..i can spend my own money.
4. Sometimes when i see other people with their grandchildren..i wish we had one too
5. If you weren't around..i don't know what i would have done.
6. I gave up my life for you.
7. He gave up his life for you.
8. I have not bought myself a single thing since our last anniversary.
9. We always fed you first and sometimes we slept hungry.
10. Look, even my underwear has a hole.

If yes, read on.
If no, read on…you probably are being emotionally blackmailed and are in denial. If you're not Indian..i am sure you have your own version.

What is the cure for this?
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TADAH! The cure for - " The Great Indian Emotional Blackmail. "

There are certain routes you can take.

1." The revenge of the great indian emotional blackmail"
     This means you do the EXACT same thing back to the people who are emotionally blackmailing you by using the same tactics they are using on you.

For example :

A (E blackmailer) : " I will eventually cry and die.."

B ( The blackmailed) : "Same."


There you go!



2.  Cry baby!



For this one -  cry out of the room every time you think you cannot handle the situation.

A (E blackmailer ) : If only my elder daughter was here because you do nothing for me..

B (The blackmailed) : Run out of the room crying and then run out of the house crying and run down the hill crying until you find a shop to buy yourself a nice cool drink. This will make your blackmailer worried that you might do something wrong to yourself and they will relax the fuck down.


3.  The cold reaction AKA - THE REBEL.

You have to give a cold reaction to each statement your blackmailer gives you.

B ( for a change..i would like to make B the emotional blackmailer) : "My legs have been hurting but i don't ask anybody for help..can u please help me clean my dishes?"

A ( The blackmailed) : "No."



4. Confuse them with other information - "The distractor!"

A (E Blackmailer) - "Your father is still alive - he can pay for my expenses..!"

B (The Blackmailed) - " Father was saying that he wanted to bring you for a holiday btw…i think to disneyland since you're into games."

A : Huh?!



If non of the above work - SLAP YOURSELF IN THE HEAD and come up with your own tactics.
Being emotionally blackmailed causes mental stress and unhappiness in you. Stop being treated that way.


Thanks,

Sharul Channa

Monday, 28 July 2014

Being Politically Correct.


Dear One and All,

Hope you're doing well. Well,today's topic is how important is it to be politically correct as a stand-up comedian. I just have to say that i am not a clean comedian and what do i mean by that?
A 'clean comedian' is one who doesn't swear on stage and her/his act doesn't have any sexual references . If this comedian can make you laugh with his/her  'clean material' then this comedian can do more and more corporate gigs. I just wanna say though that its not more difficult to be a 'cleaner' act. Some might argue and say that - " OH! -  A sex joke can get you an easier laugh!" but i don't think that is possible. People nowadays have easier access to youtube and the internet to read and watch different kinds of comical material and they are very much educated on what's out there. In short, people can look through bullshit. How important is it to be cleaner? Essentially, i think that every comedian should just follow his/her own journey in comedy and not try to be clean or dirty. There was a time when i first started out when some comedians thought they had the liberty to come to me and say - " You shouldn't swear too much or you shouldn't be so manly on stage!" but when i tried to please people - My comedy suffered.
Every comedian has to follow his/her own journey in stand-up and that means to be truthful on stage.

If you're not the kind of act who gets hired for corporates very often - don't fret. We just have to keep writing and crafting our jokes well and jumping up on stage to try out our material. With every gig, you learn something new. I know i do. Recently, i did Pune, Delhi, Mumbai ,Bangalore and london and in each of these cities, the audiences were so different. So then how do you find out what to do? - You just throw yourself in the deep end and give it your best shot. Does it then matter if you are getting enough corporate shows? Do your comedy so well that people start hiring you for the comedy you do and not the comedy they EXPECT you to do.

Also, i would personally would like to mention..NO COMEDIAN should give ADVICE to any other comedian unless the advice has been asked for. Very simple. If i respect a comedian,i would personally ask them myself and i know that they would gladly help. They know who they are. If not - shut the fuck up. :) It's very simple. If you would like to advice someone..it should only be about stage craft..like how to hold the mic, standing under the light or where you should place the mic stand. All comedians are unique and they have their own journey..don't think you have the permission to sit anyone down.

If something doesn't work on stage - the audience will let you know. They are the best judge of it. If they are laughing, you have successfully done your job. I will never advice any comedian…Like any other job, you have to work hard and concentrate on doing better. Keep writing and gigging. Rest is bullshit.

Thank you for reading and my punctuation will always suck.

Warmest Regards,

Sharul Channa