Sunday, 22 September 2013

Things Your Mum Will Never Talk To You About

There are certain things mums just refuse to tell us. I think they should! It's important.

1.  Which one is the Right Hole.

I think mom's should sit their daughters down and explain to them about their female anatomy. It is so important. I know for a fact that most moms i know just brush aside the whole issue or shall i say the "Hole" issue. I just want to know how many holes there are and which one goes where. I mean you know what i mean. I am not talking about the embarrassing conversation mom's have with us when we get our periods.  I really mean it. Let your girls and boys know about it.


I wish moms told us this. How can you expect your partner to love you like your father does. Your father is different as a father and different as a partner. Don't expect your husband or bf to be as caring and sensitive as your father cos i bet that your father is an asshole to your mom at times but YOUR MOM WON'T TELL YOU!  

3. How to be Manipulative and read into double meanings

You mom def needs to teach you how to be manipulative. Yup True. Women need to be manipulative to survive. You need to be manipulative with your Bf/ Husband/ Mother-in-law/ Extended Family and many more people. I think mothers should give us a crash course on this. This shocks the hell out of us when we get into a new relationship or have to deal with difficult people. Don't take things at face value. 

Example :

Mother-in-law : " Is everything ok with my son..?"

Meaning : " Did you upset him..?"

( depends on case to case basis)

4.  Every woman needs to stay alone to become Independent and Understand her self-worth

I think mom's need to throw us out of the house to fend for ourselves. If not we just simply get sold like sheep. At least the asian women do. The one phrase common in an Indian household is " Don't do it it when you go to husband's house"... There is nothing such as " Do it at your husband's house.." - This simply will never get to do it. You need to stay alone to discover your own individuality and understand you self-worth. True. You need to stay alone and learn how to live on your own and live your life on your own terms. Trust me its not the same staying at your parent's place. 
Next time your mom says - " Do it at your husband's place..."...Look into your mom's eyes and let her know...that she is doing a lot of things to keep her husband happy..but is she happy herself? Learning is both ways!

5. How to make a good cup of coffee or Tea.

I think mom's should def teach their daughters how to make a good cup of coffee or least for one person. You know why. Women are different from the entire human race. We are super strong but we all need a fuckin' cup of coffee/Tea in the morning to keep us going. Sometimes more than one but we need please teach us how to make one for that extra kick! ;) Also - HAVE YOUR FIRST DRINK WITH YOUR MOM! Mom - please get drunk together...we have lots to bond over! ;)

Saturday, 21 September 2013

When I was 85kgs

I was once 85kgs.
I hated going out.
I had friends 10 times more good looking than me.
I would go to a shop and pick out clothes XXL and they felt tight on me.
Whenever people said they loved me and their world revolved around me..i thought they were calling me the world.
Guys would check me out but only the really ugly ones. Beauty is not in the eye of the beholder..some people are truly ugly.
When cute guys checked me out - I knew they were checking me out cos i was like the WALL CLOCK to them - and never wear a wall clock on your wrists. They would see me and their faces would be filled with disgust.
I fell in love with a guy for 7 years and thought this was it but he was such a fucking good looker...I didn't want to become his sister so i never told him. This is what good looking guys do..tell them you like them and they will either say - "Sorry." or "You're my sister.."
I was as big as a bulldozer...buffalos spoke among themselves when they saw me...they felt better about themselves. 
I felt like if you ever flipped the dictionary and searched for "FAT" face would be there.
People could run marathons around me.
When i ran for the bus - i injured people around me.
When i didn't hold the handle on the bus and the bus jerked...i fell on a man a skinny man who almost died.
I felt like eating all of my friends' leftovers
Mc Donald's was my best friend..
I slept around with KFC...
Pizza Hut was my whore...
I once sat on a pony in australia and the pony stopped halfway during the ride and took a dump..
I started losing weight..
I lost 25kgs...
Clothes started fitting me..
I gained confidence...
Men started hitting on me..
I started smiling more often...
But i was very hungry...
Still very hungry....
I am a comfortable weight right now..

But inside..deep inside..I am still that FAT GIRL.

Wednesday, 4 September 2013



ANSWER : " No, you will just look like an idiot for doing it for no apparent reason. Stupid.


ANSWER : " No, Can you pass me one..."


Answer : " aunty stays there. No..she is not a whore. Geylang has residential area too.. its just a business like every other business..get over it lady and why don't you go choose the guy you are going to sleep with after you get drunk..and of won't charge.

4. "OMG..OMG...I want to go to that Swimming pool at Marina Bay Sands..THAT SWIMMING POOL it really that high.."

Answer : " Yes..Enter the pool..take that picture everybody is taking..the one with the Singapore Sky-line in the background and then get off a minute later cos its just a pool. A NORMAL POOL.

5. : "OMG...I GOT INTO ATTICA..i heard there are really hot guys there.."

Answer : Yes. Its awesome. I love getting groped and rubbed while dancing so i go there too. Perfect.

6. " OMG OMG...I want to watch the F1 race!!!! Have you watched the F1 race?

Answer : No. I am Singaporean. While you are spending loads of money watching the F1 race..we carry on with life cos we are going to work..getting stuck in traffic jams and then going for our casual drinks. Enjoy.

7. "OMG..i want to so live in Singapore!!! I want to live the asian life..the amazing asian try asian food wow..i am getting an apartment in Orchard!!!...

Answer : Bitch. Get a HDB in Geylang and live the amazing Singaporean lifestyle.

8. " OMG...I AM GOING TO CYCLE TO ORCHARD and then CYCLE BACK 40 mins...!"

Answer : Ya correct. Why don't you attach a 2 seater behind and ride a rickshaw instead..then you can earn some money too. Bitch, the MRT and BUS system is super efficient here. Cut the crap.

9. " OMG. I love going to sentosa every weekend for a tan..!"

Answer : " Sentosa is our don't go to disneyland everyday..".. Bitch please. Go to the botanical gardens and take pictures of flowers instead and don't forget to bring your bicycle. 

10. " OMG.....Homosexuals cannot kiss in this country..they cannot kiss?? They cannot..?"

Answer : "Get out of your house... and go to tanjong pagar and if that's not enough i have amazing gay friends who are giving you the WTF look as u say it.."